My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
