love makes seman taste better
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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