a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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