Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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