I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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