Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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