Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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