I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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