I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
