I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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