Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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