So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize