Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
