its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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