If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
