She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
