do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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