Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
