She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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