Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
