I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
