why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize