I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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