We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
