My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
