How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize