I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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