Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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