hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
