All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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