I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
