So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
