oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
