things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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