So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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