You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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