it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
