They should really pass out barf bags in church
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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