Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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