The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and she was petting her beer can
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize