we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
