he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
