Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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