I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
