what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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