Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
