Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
