i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
