and you said cock pushups were impossible
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
