4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
