i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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