this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
