i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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