I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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