So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
