well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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