I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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