drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
