I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
