Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
