I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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