So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
