So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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