that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
