I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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