Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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