So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
