Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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