physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
