you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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